Obama, Clinton’s Sexual Tension Boils Over
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| A romantic exchange turns into a steamy affair |
In a stunning blow to the Democratic ticket, presidential hopefuls Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton have bowed out of the race in order to spend more time with each other. Representatives from both campaigns have reported seeing the pair necking behind the stage at several recent debates, and Obama campaign manager David Plouffe confirmed the existence of a pair of Hilary’s panties found on Obama’s bus.
The former rivals released a joint statement this morning on Holiday Inn stationary: “We could no longer deny our mutual attraction. Seeing each other on the campaign trail, glistening with sweat under those hot stage lights, reeking of idealism, ambition and hormones … well, running for high office really makes you horny.”
Political commentators had been noticing a rise in perceived animosity between the candidates for weeks, and increasing dirty campaign tricks. This is now widely recognized as foreplay.
“When Hilary was lambasting Obama about his inexperience,” said NBC’s Tim Russert, “she was really just trying to find out how many girlfriends he’s had. And during the Nevada debate back in January, when Obama quizzed Hilary on her past sexually transmitted diseases…well, that speaks for itself.”
The sudden, unexpected coupling of the two Democratic frontrunners leaves a vacancy that party leaders are rushing to fill.
“We’re going to be putting calls in to everybody we can think of,” said Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean. “First we’re gonna call John Edwards, and then we’re gonna call Joe Biden, and then Bill Richardson, and Christopher Dodd, Mike Gravel, until we get all the way to Dennis Kucinich! Heeyyaaahhh!!”
Sexual activity between rivals in a presidential race has been heretofore unheard of in the United States. The only similar precedent to be found is from 1984, when Geraldine Ferraro gave Gary Hart a hummer in the back of his limo.
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