source: www.writespirit.net / atmosny.typepad.com

Icelandic pop singer Björk attends a Tibetan ceremony after being elected president of the newly independent country.

APRIL 15 — By an overwhelming margin, the citizens of Tibet have elected Icelandic pop singer Björk as the first president of their newly independent country.

Björk, who never formally announced her candidacy nor even publicly acknowledged awareness of her candidacy, was the popular favorite following a March 7 concert she gave in China, where she shouted “Tibet!” at the end of her song “Declare Independence.”

“When she yelled the name of our country at the end of her pop song, it really woke us up,” said Tibetan citizen Tenzin Dolma. “To us it wasn’t just some weightless, off-the-cuff political remark from a celebrity; it was a mandate. And we thought, ‘Hey, yeah, let’s give this independence thing a shot.”

A week later, Tibetans in the capital city of Lhasa began rioting against Chinese rule, breaking shop windows, overturning cars, and burning effigies of Jet Li in the streets.

“This is for Björk and independence!” shouted a Buddhist monk on March 15, as he tossed a flaming garbage can through a storefront window. “Also, ‘Post’ is the best album ever!”

China’s subsequent crackdown on the violence led to international outcry. First the International Olympic Committee stripped the country of the upcoming summer games, which, due to short notice, will now take place in Rupert Murdoch’s back yard. Then the United States Congress passed a bill renaming the popular Chinese dish sweet and sour chicken as “freedom nuggets,” and fortune cookies as “happy good time mystical pastries.”

The harsh criticism forced China to renounce the claim it held over the Central Asian territory since the early 1950s. This led the Dalai Lama, in a fit of certitude that only comes with being the latest manifestation of a rarified lineage of magistrates on a path to fulfillment of the Boddhisattva vow, to demand China free its child sweat-shop workers, as well as Houston Rockets center Yao Ming, who was recently turned loose in a field in Shenyang.

Many speculated that the Dalai Lama would assume the presidency, given his exhaustive and strident campaign for Tibetan independence over the last half-century. But the spiritual leader received 5% of the vote, only narrowly beating Richard Gere, and he politely welcomed Björk as Tibet’s new leader.

“If it is the will of my people,” his holiness said, “that this singer, whose voice sounds like fifty rusty wheels squealing in unison; that this beautiful woman, who often poses half-nude when not wearing dresses that look like dead swans, should be our new leader, then by all means, let the (expletive deleted) rule.”

When asked to comment on her new leadership role, Björk said she’d get right on it, as soon as she finished her new album.

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