Obama Sees Bump in Polls Following Remarks By His Uncle Tom
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| Presidential hopeful Barack Obama, right, displays open disdain at his uncle, Thomas Obama, during a campaign stop in Alabama. |
Presidential Hopeful Horrified That White Americans Approve of ‘Crazy’ Relative
March 26 — Mere weeks after Barack Obama saw his approval ratings among white voters take a dip following racially charged remarks by his former pastor — a man he referred to as like a member of his own family — an actual family member, Barack’s uncle Thomas Obama, has helped the Democratic presidential hopeful’s numbers rebound.
“Uncle Tom,” as he is affectionately known in his hometown of Jasper, Ala., has burst into the spotlight and widespread praise after an impromptu speech he gave at Bernie’s Barbershop in Jasper last week surfaced on YouTube.
“Yessuh, I sorely love the white man, I do,” Thomas Obama is shown saying while getting a shave. “The white man is respons’ble fuh eh’ything right in this coun’ry. Th’ white man is bettah lookin’, bettah at dancin’, and is fah bettah at sportin’ events. Why, if a white man tol’ me raht now ta lie down in a mud puddle so’s he could kep his Ay’er Jordans clean, I’d do it wit’ a smile on mah face, then offuh ta carrah him home! Lawd have mercy on th’ white man, yessuh!”
Critics who recently attacked Obama for his affiliation with divisive pastor Jeremiah Wright quickly embraced his uncle as “an example of what’s right with Black America today.”
“Well, like everybody, I at first thought Obama was finished,” said FOX News commentator Bill O’Reilly. “I was having callers — not me, callers — say that Obama ought to be lynched for what that pastor said. Some went so far as to say — again, this wasn’t me saying this — that we should bring back slavery, because slaves wouldn’t be able to run for president. I mean, these are 100% true-blue American patriots saying this.
“But this new guy, this uncle? Lemme tell you, my viewers almost wish HE would run for president. They like what that porch monkey’s saying. …Their words, not mine.”
The average voter on the street has responded favorably as well. Sheldon Whitbred, an investment banker in Dallas, thinks Thomas Obama’s words are refreshing.
“He’s a well-spoken, clean-cut guy, with some good goddamn ideas on how this goddamn country should be run,” Whitbred said, looking up from his Starbucks caramel macchiato and his iPhone. “I especially like his stance on affirmative action. When he said, ‘The white man can do eh’ything, and he deserves the chance,’ I wanted to shake his goddamn hand.”
Estelle Bainbridge, a retired schoolteacher from Tampa Bay, is equally impressed by “Uncle Tom’s” demeanor, calling him the only one of “those people” she wouldn’t mind coming to dinner.
“He looks like such a nice boy, not like that horrible Wayne Brady,” the 92-year-old said. “Why, if I saw Thomas coming down the sidewalk … well, I’d probably still cross to the other side of the street, but I might not avoid eye contact.”
The YouTube video, which has gotten over one million hits, has even made history by becoming the first video featuring a black person to be embedded on the website of the Ku Klux Klan.
“We love that video,” said KKK member Victor Dukes. “Mr. Obama is basically saying everything we’ve been saying for years. The fact that he’s of Negro descent and is saying these things, and that America is eating it up, just goes to show that there’s hope for our troubled country yet.”
Barack Obama has been hesitant to talk about his uncle, whom he has not seen since he was a small boy. But when asked about the positive effect Uncle Thomas seems to be having on his campaign, Obama admits to being baffled.
“Are you serious?” Obama told reporters during a campaign stop in Pennsylvania. “People actually approve of what my crazy uncle is babbling? The man who once told me that the black man’s only great accomplishment was not running away when the slave ships showed up? Is this really where race relations are in America? I mean, yes, deep down I know all white people are basically a little racist, but this is ridiculous.”
Obama went on to say that compared to his uncle, his racist white grandmother is Malcolm X.
For his part, Thomas Obama said he is also disappointed to hear that his words are having such a surprise effect on his nephew’s campaign for the White House.
“Ah nevah meant feh mah wehds to be so misconstrued,” Obama said Tuesday on CNN’s “The Situation Room.” “The last thing I want is feh that tah-baby nephew of mine ta become leadah of the dadgummed free wuhld! Lawdy, can you imagine? A black man in the Oval Office? He’d prolly appernt Fitty Cent as his Secer’tary of Defense, and Snoop Dogg as the new Drug Czar! Lawdy, it give me a haht attack just ta think of it!
“But I’m not suhprised I’m helpin’ Barack in th’ polls. Th’ white man don’t want no Negro he can’t control. But with me, that’s exac’ly what you get. Control me, white man! Control me!”
When asked who he’d like to see elected, Thomas Obama put his support behind Hilary Clinton.
“And that’s not the only thing I’d like ta put behin’ her, if you know what I’m sayin’! Lawdy, I loves them white women!”
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