Monopoly caught in eye of subprime storm
 http://www.daily-nonsense.com/Blog/?p=384 |
The housing market increasingly gloomy, Rich Uncle Pennybags — better known as Mr. Monopoly — announced Friday afternoon he intends to pursue stricter lending regulations.
“Lax and excessive lending policies have affected our end game for too long,” Pennybags said during an appearance at Marvin Gardens. “We believe these changes will keep those without a $500 bill to his or her name from buying on a thimble and a prayer.”
Mortgage defaults have surged in recent months, particularly in the sub-prime sector, which focused on clients with low incomes and poor credit. Many of them were in the area from Mediterranean to Connecticut avenues, which now is littered with project-like red buildings.
There also has been a growing concern about Quadrant 2 — the properties from St. Charles Place to New York Avenue, which aggressive investors have packaged together to move into the green and royal blue districts. Such high-risk ventures have paid dividends for some, but as many borrowers came off fixed-rate mortgages and interest rates rose, so did the number of defaults, leading little green houses to be swept away by the handful.
“Considering our entire economy rests on the fate of $15,140,” Pennybags said in a separate statement released on a stack of small yellow cards, “fiscal responsibility is the only way to prevent the Electric Company from going dark.”
Pennybags, who last week earned $10 for taking second prize in a beauty contest, also announced he has purchased the Short Line and will begin charging double on all four of his railroads. He then jumped into his 1935 Lagonda convertible, paid the luxury tax and drove around for about a dozen turns until he could get back to his Broadway home.
Etc: Jake the Jailbird’s appeal of his conviction on beastiality charges was denied for a third time after Officer Malloy testified the Scottie Dog continues to have emotional issues. In a statement, Jake said he’ll continue clutching the bars of his cell and hope the horse comes visiting without its rider.
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