Facebook’s new privacy settings halt masturbation
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Two days after Facebook launched new privacy controls, a Massachusetts man filed a class-action lawsuit claiming the social-networking site is making it “harder and harder for guys like me to jerk it.”
Russ Trombley, 53, alleges in the suit that Facebook — which has more than 40 million members — is infringing on men’s right to efficiently choke the chicken by allowing users to limit access to information like photo albums and friends lists.
“You wouldn’t believe the stuff these girls do!” the suit says. “And they’re putting it on the Internet! C’mon, they’re just asking for it!”
In the suit, filed in Massachusetts federal court on Friday, Trombley says he has a Facebook account with his real name and information, but jumps between networks as often as every two months to find new faces that make him want to tease the weasel. The local library at which Trombley accesses the Internet blocks pornographic sites, but not social-networking sites, so Facebook has become his go-to source when he feels like cleaning the ol’ rifle, the suit says.
Noting that Facebook always has automatically blocked users from viewing profiles of anyone under the age of 18, Trombley alleges whatever has made him loop the mule in the past was legal and, because it was posted before the privacy controls were put in place, had become part of the public domain.
Though Trombley’s efforts to “poke” the girls that set off his five-fingered frenzies were roundly unsuccessful, the suit says the new restrictions will do mental harm to perverts worldwide, who all believe they’re one well-worded message away from getting laid.
The suit notes that Trombley hasn’t had a physical encounter with a women since 1983, when at 28, he met an unnamed female at a White Snake concert, took her back to his brown Camaro with the T-top and “totally played with her boobs for, like, two hours.”
“Pulling tongue while I look at prom photos is all I have left,” Trombley says in the suit. “By allowing users to pick and choose who can see their photos, Facebook is violating my First Amendment rights.”
Eugene Volokh, who teaches constitutional law at UCLA, says Trombley’s claims are unsurprising but completely without merit.
“I don’t even know where to begin with this one,” Volokh said. “This guy needs to get a fucking life.”
Reached late Thursday at his mom’s house, Trombley responded to Volokh’s remark by saying, “Yeah … there’s no chance of that.”
Trombley then returned to the basement, finished his game of “Mortal Kombat” on Sega Genesis and burped the worm until 3 a.m.
Is this a real lawsuit? You would think myspace.com would be worse.
LOL !!!!! if this isn’t funny I don’t know what is ! hats off to the person who had the guts to do such a stupid thing lol… he must be at the limits of desperation *rofl* but seriously, thanks for this, this is good to understand how and where to upload your personal pics, really dangerous stuff… thanks for posting this.