SACRAMENTO, CA – The state legislature of California is making it a mandatory language requirement of all public school graduates to successfully complete one semester of what has become known as “compu-speak,” the abbreviated language of many 21^st Century computer users.

“This decision was made to make sure that the graduates of the great state of California have the skills to communicate in this technical society” Department of Education Director Buzz E. Werck declared in his plea before the state legislature. “This is a state that is home to both Silicon Valley and the birthplace of most modern day catch phrases, Hollywood. It would be a shame if it were also the same state that produces computer users who are unable to keep up with the rest of the world.”

The new course will require students to master such electronic shorthand phrases as LOL (laughing out loud), OMG (oh my God), and TTYL/T/IRL/WIFOWTLM (talk to you later/tomorrow/in real life/when I figure out what these letters mean).

The California Department of Education, also the institution that championed the idea of introducing Ebonics as an elective language course in the 1990’s, is coming under fire for this decision from a seemingly unlikely source – the students.

“We already know how to use this kind of language! It’s a total waste of time!” San Francisco resident and public school attendee Ila F. TaMihart argued. UC – Berkley sophomore, Liv Ennendason, reflected upon the new legislation by saying, “I am so glad I got out when I did – that would be the most bunk [sic] class any of us would have ever had to take. Do teachers even know how to use that kind of talk?!”

Some of the biggest, and most surprising advocates of the new policy are members of the Retired & Aging Teachers Society (RATS). Ninety-eight year old RATS member, Marc Downagraid, eventually commented via email, “Well, you see there were these things called notepads…[and] young ladies of my day…[had to learn] shorthand. Its not really that different of a concept…it is a lost art, really.”

Indeed, the problem and financial strain of training educators required to teach the new course will pull the strings on state taxpayers. “Most teachers will need to take a course to learn how to effectively communicate using Compu-Speak,” Werck will later admit.

Newport Beach Public School District Superintendent, Seth N. Ryan, made the observation at a press conference, “Many students are actually coming forward to help with the training of our teachers.” When the irony of students teaching educators the same material that they will be required to learn the following school year is pointed out, Ryan will simply LOL.

Categories: Education
Tags: California, feature, legislation