Human race dies out when last man on earth fails to score
The human race went extinct this week after the last available male of the species was unable to find a willing mate for procreation.
Prolonged warfare in the first half of the 21st century handed Douglas Langston, a former Chicago-area Radio Shack manager, the enviable role of the last man on earth. Unfortunately, the awkward, acne-plagued […]
An elderly Mr. Bucket kicks himself
The phrase “kicked the bucket” never rang more true than it did Friday morning at the home of Mr. Bucket. After a lifelong battle of popping balls out of his mouth and dealing with extremely long arms and no legs, an 86-year-old Mr. Bucket kicked himself peacefully in his sleep.
Mr. Bucket, born in the early […]
Member of The California Raisins Simply Shrivels Up and Dies
Bass player Stretch was found in his North Hollywood home Thursday, dead from natural causes. Medical Examiner Mika Daver explains, “Upon examining the body, I found his insides were, well mush. He just simply shriveled up and died.”
Stretch gained fame during the late 80s as the bass player for rock group The California Raisins. The […]
OBIT: Walker, Old Man
He’s referred to by friends, loved ones and shoppers as, Old Man Walker. While most believe him to be taking a short nap, Walker will perish Tuesday morning while riding home on the bus. He does so, ironically, shortly after doing what he loved.
Walker is a familiar face at the mall, where he regularly waited […]
