Raised in a vegan orphanage overlooking the fjords of Sweden, Anderson grew up a scrapper and, subsequent hoarder, fighting for anything he could call his own. At the age of 12 he made it to the semifinals of the Eastern Swedish Ping Pong Championships where he was unfortunately disqualified for having eaten the Ukrainian judge's rice pudding, mostly out of habit.

Upon his expulsion from the orphanage shortly after Anderson's 15th birthday, for his radical views on the use of mayo on alfalfa sandwiches, he joined a touring Shakespearean puppet show. While traveling the world, Anderson picked up several languages and can still speak fluent English, Spanish, French, Dutch, Russian, Japanese, Thai, Swahili, and the little know and almost extinct Moglosiashobo dialect.

Anderson used his childhood ingenuity to pay for college by collecting money from recycled cans and bottles, which he swiped from squatters and bums of the greater Baltimore area. Suckers.

After majoring in both Broadcast Journalism and Neo-classical Sculpture with a minor in Ichthyology, Peterson took a job as an underwriter for a now-defunct publishing company. Showing great potential, Peterson was soon promoted to the department that writes for narcissistic famous people and shortly after the Pulitzer Award winning publication "A Crazy Ho From Detroit Takes On the World," he joined the staff at USATomorrow.